This is my uncle. He is single. He is going to kill me for posting this.
When he finds Ms. Right or she finds him, they will eventually need to eat. He wanted to learn to cook so he would be prepared for that day. I felt like I was doing some sort of good deed for the females of this world by taking on the task of teaching him.
It wasn't an easy task. His refrigerator is like this: One shelf of beer, one shelf of mountain dew, one shelf of bottled water and some processed sliced american cheese, individually wrapped.
So here is how it went.
Me: Meet me at Whole Paycheck at 4. Dinner will be ready for guests by 7.
Uncle doesn't like Whole Paycheck, I can't blame him. I don't particularly care for the place either. However, I was away from home... 600 miles from my produce den. The farmer's markets were closed. We were out of options.
We get there and the conversation goes like this.
Uncle: I want to make a spinach salad with walnuts and strawberries and then Fettucini Alfredo w/ chicken.
Me: Do you know how to make any of that?
Uncle: No, that is why you are here.
Me: Sigh. (trying to remember the recipe for alfredo sauce on the fly)
In the cheese section:
Uncle: Please explain to me why I can't just get the stuff in a jar?
Me: The dinner will be a sum total of the quality of the ingredients. Start with good ingredients and you have more leniency to screw things up.
Uncle: Is Adam (King Carnivore) getting a cheese journal?
Me: Yes. He is weird. I like weird. Don't pay him any mind.
At the house:
Uncle does a fantastic job of assembling the salad.
He boils the water and grates the cheese and gets all set up. He is doing wonderful. Until... he overcooks the chicken and this conversation ensues.
Me: You over cooked the chicken. Now it is going to be dry.
Uncle: Ok go buy more chicken.
Me: NO that is wasteful. You need to learn what to do when you screw things up.
Uncle: I do know what to do- go buy more chicken.
King Carnivore: Heckling and laughter.
Uncle: Can you get him out of here, please. I need him to go away.
I don't blame uncle for feeling this way considering how smug King Carnivore is being:
He is being smug because: He has already endured the wrath of the Produce Queen. He has had redemption for his funky chicken fiasco. He understands that margarine is not food and everything is better with butter. Plus, he has a home made smoker. He knows how to use it.
He can't help himself. He is happy it isn't him getting put through the ringer. His refrigerator doesn't have sliced processed cheese (anymore). He takes joy in exaggerating the word Uncle because they are only a few years apart.
We put on a movie for him and like a kid he got quiet.
Back to the chicken. Covered it with a damp towel to lock in remaining moisture. It was edible.
Realized we didn't have bread.
Uncle: Can we just go buy some.
Me: NO
Found some croissant rolls in the refrigerator. Laid them out on a cookie sheet added cheese and Italian spices. Uncle learned to adapt and overcome. He understood the concept, because was once in the military.
Uncle did a great job of cooking the noodles and didn't even freak like I thought he would when I told him he had to throw one at the refrigerator to see if they were done (he is a rather tidy individual and the idea of throwing food was not really within his comfort zone).
The tricky part of alfredo sauce with the recipe I was using was the timing. The sauce is cheese and raw egg and cream. The egg is cooked by the heat of the pasta after it is drained. His guests arrived just as all this was suppose to happen (noodles come out, get mixed in with the sauce ingredients, blah blah blah). However, all is well. He carried a conversation and made the sauce without trouble.
In the end it turned out alright. The sauce was a bit bland and could have used more of a kick (my fault for assuming he would have an arsenal of spices to work with). However, all things considered...it was great.
Uncle's turn to be smug:
Recipe:
1 egg.
1 pint heavy cream
8oz high quality parmigiano reggiano.
parsley
salt and pepper
Shred cheese, stir in whisked egg and cream. Use a heavy hand with parsley. Salt and Pepper.
Cook the noodles and strain. Immediately add to the above mixture and stir until the cheese melts. It will thicken as it sits.
Notes: cream cheese would have made this better. As would have a heavy hand with spices such as pepper and garlic. Alternatively you can leave out the egg, melt butter(1/2 stick) in sauce pan, add the cheese and cream and stir over low heat until thickened and cheese is melted then add spices.
Cheers and Happy Eats!
Lucinda
If you don't have a bottle of this - get one. Now. 
