Old Roots and Fresh Beginnings

Over five years ago, when I moved back to Missouri from DC, Sidney, my mother's best friend of 45 years, asked me the very reasonable question of why...

As I was trying to come up with the words to explain that I wasn't insane to walk away from a burgeoning career with a six figure salary and an office building on Pennsylvania avenue, an active social calender that had me rubbing elbows with all the right power players in Washington, a posh apartment with a doorman, and an assistant that took care of everything from my clothes shopping to dinner reservations she looked at me with a knowing expression and said "Old roots are hard to pull, aren't they?"

Yes, yes they are.

I didn't have a plan then, nor did I know what my future would hold. All I knew was that deep down I was meant to do something more meaningful. The games, the power, the pace, and the excitement of DC had its benefits but they came with a price. The mentality in DC was "What have you done for me today? and when you do something for someone else, make sure there is someone there to document it." Sex, knowledge, and power was the name of the game in DC, and for a time I played it and played it well.

However, after a while it became silly and exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I met a few wonderful people in DC, who chose to be true to themselves, and we are still friends to this day. However, I found myself yearning for more authenticity, a place where real people are the norm and not the exception, a place where you get an honest pay for an honest day's work, a place where conversation holds meaning without 45 cent words, a place like home - Missouri.

Scotty, my husband who had never been further west than West Virginia, and I loaded the car and headed west. My sister lived outside Kansas City so we decided to set up house near her. Scott got a job straight away, but I decided to take some time off from corporate world. In 2006 I got pregnant, and my pregnancy was a joyous time. Due to the tragic events of my childhood, an early graduation from highschool, and an immediate thrust into the harsh realities of being on your own in the big city before I even had a driver's license, it had been a long time since I hadn't been in "survival" mode. Therefore, I spent those 10 months (yes it really is 10 months of pregnancy... not sure where all this 9 months bs comes from) reading for pleasure, lounging at the pool, and enjoying silence after I intentionally chucked my cell phone.

It didn't take me long in Missouri to realize that there was water water everywhere and nothing to drink. Meaning, that I was surrounded by corn fields, and open pasture but to get real food, grown by real people I had to hunt. Sure, I could make the 45 minute trek to Whole Foods, but my mother raised hogs that ended up being brokered to Whole Foods and I was disgusted with the discrepancy between what she was paid as a farmer and what I was to be charged as a consumer. Thus, I started buying from the farmer's market. Eventually, I started picking things up for my neighbors, and before you knew it I had a storefront. Due to the fact that there weren't middle men or freight costs, I was able to give the farmers more for their goods, and charge the consumer less than grocery store prices. Everybody wins and I had found my calling! When I was looking for a new building as the lease had ended, I told my customers I would deliver to them. Well, that worked out even better for everyone. I picked up the produce fresh from the farm and delivered it all in one day, so I was free the rest of the week to be a mother and wife, and the consumer got farm fresh deliciousness without ever leaving the house! Once again, a win win.

Then came 2009... the worst year of my life.

My business, that started as a way for me to have access to real food from real people, help out my neighbors and the farmers in my community, caught the attention of the local news. The next thing you know, I had Dion Lim riding with me in my little red car to deliver food and crunch the numbers on how good of a deal it was. Seems like a dream come true right? Um, no. First of all, my marriage was in ruins, and for the sake of the privacy of others I won't go into details, but let it suffice to say that my ego and self confidence was badly bruised. Furthermore, with the business I did everything myself, from answering emails to doing deliveries. I knew I couldn't handle an overwhelming influx of business sure to come from being featured on the 10:00 news (there is a link at the bottom of this post if you want to watch the special) of the most viewed news channel in Kansas City, especially when I was in the middle of becoming a single mother. Thus, I ended up merging with a larger company in the same business as me with the understanding, or at least I thought, that nothing would change except the name of the business and profit sharing. I didn't care about giving up 51% of the profits... if it meant more business for the farmers, an ability to serve more customers, when I would still be able to make a living.

Well, it didn't quite turn out like that. Within a few weeks, it was quite clear that I had got in bed with everything I was against. I was told that we were no longer going to be purchasing from small family farms unless they were certified organic, and agreed to the pricing that we set. I couldn't believe that I was being asked to go to all my farmers who had become my friends and tell them that, although they had walked with me since the beginning, rejoiced in my triumphs and already put plants in the ground in anticipation of my expansion... that I was going to leave them high and dry. Furthermore, now that my name and face had recognition I was expected to be the face of the company and do public appearances and be the front runner of the marketing campaign. My response was "Wait a minute, you want me to go against everything I believe in, and then promote it??" I was told I didn't have a choice, after all, I was only 49% owner.

I wept to the point of dry heaves.

It was a long and drawn out fight, and only after the help of a good lawyer, and conversations I tape recorded, unbeknown to him with the 51% owner did I eventually get pennies on the dollar for my 49% share. Of course I also got a non- compete, a gag order, and a non- solicit with my only allowed statement to be this. Of course, this meant that I got some hate mail from consumers thinking I had done the bait and switch on them by promising local and then giving them products from Mexico, but what could I do when I wasn't allowed to talk about it? Furthermore, I can assure you that if I don't delete this post, that I will be getting a call from my lawyer first thing on Monday and a cease and desist by Tuesday. I would give every penny I have not to have crossed paths with corporate evil in the first place.

However, as my mother said, " You chose to be free by trying to do what is right, but he will have to wake up to himself everyday." Right you are mama, right you are.

I took the money and decided to "put my money where my mouth is" by purchasing a farm with my baby brother Cole, eventually separated from my husband, and bought a little house in the town of 600 where my family lives. However, I felt like I had lost my sense of self. I mean what happened to my business, husband, picket fence, and the 2.5 kids? It didn't stop there. My 2009 rounded out with heart break, my grandmother fighting a very rough fight with cancer, dealing with my own mortality, and brief stay in the hospital, and a slight loss of sanity.. ok huge loss of sanity.

However, behind every tragic tale there is a silver lining. Through owning the farm, I have learned more in the last year about the hardships and joys of farming than all my years of being a "farmer's daughter", or liaison to farmers has ever taught me. I have so much more respect. Furthermore, somewhere in the middle of crazy sadness and drama I was able to help my mother with the marketing of her pork directly to the consumer (my non- compete does not restrict me from family farm operations or wholesale, just retail). In fact, I ended up getting into the Organic/ Local wholesale business and helped establish Kansas City's first, and only organic wholesaler. Woot woot! In fact, those farmers that I had once left high and dry... well the same could not be said for them, for they stood with me again even if the platform had changed, and I was able to broker their goods to local retailers including my former company's main competition. In the end the consumer and farmer ended up back on the same road as before,it just meant I played behind the scenes, and I couldn't be happier.

Now I bring you to the next chapter of my life. My feet are back on solid ground, my personal life back on track, and a skip in my step. I have moved to Florida, one of the only states that I am not held to a non- compete, but a place of the unknown. I intend to "get back on the horse", as we would say in Missoura with my new company. However, I have already come to realize that is going to take a lot of hard work, blood, sweat, but hopefully only tears of joy. This is because Florida is mostly a commercial agriculture state. Meaning, it is a "Go Big, or Go Home" state. There are quite a few organic farmers, but sifting through the ones that meet my "real people" standards, and those that are corporate conglomerates won't be easy, but I'm getting my mojo back, and I am ready to start sifting, and searching for the lesser known family farms.

In closing, to my friends in Missouri (and Kansas), I want you to know that I wouldn't be where I am without you. You have stood by me when I made mistakes. You believed in me when I didn't. Furthermore, this year by buying locally you have helped save one family farm, that I know of, from financial ruin. You have sent one farmer's child to college. You have put more dollars back into your local economy, and you have stood for what is right. Without you, I would be one standing alone, but instead I am one among many, and for that you have my enduring gratitude. Keep up the good work!

For my friends to be in Florida, I invite you to come along on this new journey with me. Together we can lesson the gap between farm and fork. Together, we can eat well, be well, and do a lot of good in between.

Cheers and Happy Eats!

Lucinda

link to the special http://www.kmbc.com/money/19022061/detail.html

Turning the Tables

I thought about Lucinda's experimentation with vegetarianism and veganism the other day and wondered how someone crossing over from the other side would manage, i.e. going from a vegetarian or vegan lifestyle to including meat-consumption.  By crossing-over, I must include that this person is coming from a vegetarian/vegan culture.  What would that be like?  How would their community react?

I imagine the main question for this person would be "Why did you decide to start eating meat?" or "Why do you eat meat?"

I asked myself this question over and over again a few weeks ago  observing when I did eat meat.  As much as I like to think my eating habits are intuitive, I found that my reasons for eating meat often aren't.  My current list on why I eat meat.

From Naturally Local: Life of a Foodie, Farmer, Free-Spirit and Activist

Typical reasons:

1. I enjoy its taste

More subtle reasons in my subconscious based on family, in-born expectations (not unlike nutritional superstition!).  These reasons are not what I believe in my heart, but they do exist in my reactions because of how I was raised, what I'm exposed to societally, etc:

1. It is more nutrient dense (not true, but my mom was a dietitian; growing up, we all believed this)
2. I grew up eating meat
3. I need it to be healthy
4. It is easier to prepare
5. I  have money, now, so I deserve it (entitlement)
6. It is just easier to make meals with meat since most of the family desires meat in their food

My typical reason is, to me, a perfectly acceptable reason for eating meat.  It is an honest reason in terms of intention.  The other reasons are ones I don't like to admit to--they are reasons that haunt me when I'm in a jam, need a quick food fix and throw a steak on the grill, or when I'm tired of eating seasonal produce during a limited season (hello, anyone else, turnip overload in winter?), or when I have family over and don't want to offend them by not including meat on the menu (immigrant family who looks at meat as valuable and a sign of respect to serve, even after living in the U.S. for over 3 decades).

Of course, I know how to fix all these issues.  Cook meals ahead of time.  Suck it up and eat leftovers and the rest of my turnips.  Explain to family that the 4.00/pint berries are honoring them more than just as much as fresh side (I concede, I too am addicted to pork belly).  Blah blah blah blah blah.  Basically, when I don't eat meat to savor its flavor and experience, I'm being a wee bit lazy.

I can't change how I was raised, what I was exposed to socially growing up, or even what peer pressure can sometimes generate during a madhouse of family holidays (the fanfare, the heightened emotions!).  But it is by forcing myself to face The Silly that keeps me honest about my intentions and helps me make changes to my life that require a huge paradigm-shift.  For example, when I found out back in 2006 that beef-consumption contributes more CO2 emissions than domestic car use alone (newest numbers, 78%), it was a shock to our pride-party that our car only uses 35 mpg.  It was a shock that a big action--like buying a fuel-efficient car--had less of an effect on the environment than taking in smaller amounts of meat everyday while making sure the meat we DID take in was dimensionally the highest quality possible.

I guess I'm throwing all this personal exploration out there to see if anyone else has struggled with these sorts of issues.  Why do YOU eat meat?  Why don't you?  What was your journey to changing behaviors, and when was it difficult for you?

Comic Avoidance

At one point in my life I used the word “honestly” often in conversation. I never noticed the amount of times I used it until someone pointed it out. I then became hyper sensitive to my usage of the word, and began analyzing why and how it had infiltrated my vocabulary. Breaking the habit of over using the word “honestly” was rather difficult at first. I would find myself stumbling for words, and going into long tirades for the sake of avoiding the word. I feel for the those who were on the receiving end of my comical dance around honestly. Many months later, my communication has return to a natural flow, and if I use honestly it is effective and to the point, and not over saturated at the cost of losing its meaning.

I am 8 days into my vegetarian lifestyle, and meat is to my diet as honestly was to my speech - always there, hardly noticed, and not made a “thing” until I took a deeper look at it. In fact, I started this month with an air of cockiness. For me, I didn’t think giving up meat would be a problem because it is not an obsessive part of my life. Instead, I thought this month would be a walk in the part and a bit of a check mark before the full force dedication of veganism next month. My cockiness was so inflated that I attached additional rules to my vegetarian diet. I felt like I needed to make it a real challenge. I made the decision that I would have to get my groceries from the actual grocery store. Thus, nobody would ever be able to say.. “I can’t be a vegetarian because I don’t have the same access to good food as you do.” Instead, I am putting myself in the shoes of the average American shopping at a conventional grocery store. I believe I deserve a face palm over this decision, because it has yielded my desired result – a challenge!

The first few days of the month, I didn’t have time to venture to the grocery store (keep in mind that I am 45 minutes away from one), so I ate out for every meal. In my attempt to avoid meat, I ate more funk food than I have in a year’s time prior. I had French fries, vegetarian pizza, onion rings, and all sorts of fried deliciousness. I had to avoid the salad because I am in the Midwest where a salad is not a salad unless it has a lb of meat on it! After 3 days of this assault, my body was starting to scream for something a bit more beneficial, and I had to make the time for grocery shopping.

I have chosen Hy-Vee as my grocery store of choice during this adventure because a. they have an organic health market section b. they are employee owned c. they are fairly accessible in the Midwest. So what happened when I got to the store? I succumbed to impulse buys and the lure of “value added” products. I spent $85 and got home with hardly anything to make a meal from and lots of snack items. I did buy a lb of baby romaine, and this was my only saving grace to get me through a few days without having to go back. Fiona and I ate lots of peanut butter on toast, yogurt, and salads over those few days. (Disclaimer: Fiona is not following a complete vegetarian diet at this time.. her father is an unwavering carnivore so when she is at his house she gets plenty of meat). As the norm, I am not one to keep value added products in my house. Traditionally, I have lots of produce, a freezer full of meat, and all the required items if I want to make something. I make my own bread, pizza, juices, pastries, and so on and so forth. However, something about now being a vegetarian and shopping at the store has played with my head a bit. I am putting so much time into “avoiding” meat and shopping for food that doesn’t have it in it, that my natural flow of preparing/ cooking/ eating has been thrown for a loop. My second trip to the grocery store yielded more of the same. I spent $56.00 and got mostly processed foods (see the above picture). I have now realized that if I don’t make a conscience effort to retain my core food values that I will become a vegetarian at the cost I am not willing to pay- my love of food. Also, it seems to be financially pricey and much less fulfilling to remove the creativeness from my dinner table.

Now that I have regrouped, we shall see what next week brings. Hopefully, I will be able to resort back to my before vegetarian core values of food without frills in which the star of the show is the texture, flavor, and spice, and not the speed at which it is ready to consume! Food prepared Honestly! ;-)

Cheers and Happy Eats!

Lucinda

After I go vegan, I'm going to eat the ducks.

When I was 10 years old, I started a list containing the things I wanted to do in my life. I titled it the "to experience" list. I occasionally add items to it ensuring that it is never ending.

Some items were on the list because I knew they were inevitable. If nothing good came of them, I could at least get the satisfaction of crossing them off my list. Such was the case with heartbreak and sorrow. Other items I thought would take some sort of planned effort, but instead happened rather randomly (like being on television or riding in a private plane). There are items that have taken effort, such as reading the entire Encyclopedia Britanica set.

At any rate, one of the items on my list is to be a vegan for a month. I know what you are thinking- I have a farm and its financial success depends partly on people eating meat. That is true, and I most definitely love meat. Pork, Beef, Lamb, Goat, and if my tender hearted brother wasn't so adamantly against it, I would eat the ducks my friend Janel gave us.

However, it is not the lack of meat that has me hesitant about crossing this item off my list, for I am a snobbish meat eater. I am used to/ and prefer good meat from animals given a life worthy of their sacrifice. I assure you there is a taste difference. Thus, when I travel I usually avoid eating meat.

The problem I am having with the idea of being a vegan is my dairy consumption. I am avid coffee drinker, and coffee just isn't right without a heavy dose of cream in it. Therefore, being a vegan would mean giving up coffee, which is not something I can do without dedication.

With all of that said, I am not one to shy away from something just because it takes sacrifice or seems too difficult. When I set my mind to something with a desire to devout my passion to it, I rarely fail.

With a few health issues, I have realized that a vegan diet may kill two birds with one stone. I can cross it off my list and have the possible side effect of better health. So.. here comes my passion.

I recognize that I can't be a vegan overnight, but I do have a plan. For the rest of March I will be taking a closer look at my meat and dairy consumption so I know where I stand. I will also be slowly switching to decaf coffee. In the month of April I will switch to herbal tea and eat no meat. Then, in May I will be completely vegan. During the month of June I might do the raw foods thing just for kicks.

After I have accomplished all of this, as the calender turns to July, for a reward I am going to eat the ducks no matter what my brother has to say about it.

This should be an interesting journey, and I will be sure to keep you all posted.

New Year's resolution

New Years brings a time of reflection and a time of planning for the year to come. I normally don’t set New Year’s resolutions, but this year I am.

My resolution is, excluding necessities like toilet paper, food, and toothpaste, to buy nothing new. As many of you know, I have a book obsession, but unless I can find it used I am not buying it. Of course with EBay and Amazon this should be an easy task… but since I want a real challenge my secondary resolution is not to buy from EBay or Amazon.

Oh, this should be fun!