Ulterior Motives

"An unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates

Being a vegetarian has been a major change to my world of food normalcy. With this change, has come a deeper look at how I view food. I have been examining the why of what I eat, the when of what I eat, and how of what I eat. If food was just for substance, than being a vegetarian wouldn't be a thing. So what are my ulterior motives and emotions behind food and the eating thereof?

To me food is a language that everyone speaks. We may all have our own dialect of flavors and styles but in the end we all need to eat, and the what and how of our food is a deep expression of self. The meals we enjoy together are a way of communing together where words aren't necessarily needed.

Today, Fiona and I had dinner (some would call it lunch, but it is Farmtown and here we have dinner) with grandma and grandpa. Gran called and said she was feeling better, and although it wasn't fancy, she had cooked and felt like she would enjoy the meal more if Fiona and I would join them. We graciously accepted this invitation, especially since she made creamed peas which is one of my favorite dishes.

During the meal a friend of Gran's stopped by unannounced to drop of a blanket she had quilted for her to take to chemo treatments. This was a reminder of the angelic voices singing softly in background calling grandma home. However, that sad realization was put on the background as we ate. We just enjoyed the moment, the being together. We were thankful, and our meal was a voicing of such. Grandma was well enough to cook, and our meal was an expression of her ability to live. She didn't cook meat but had she.. I would have eaten it. All rules, all dedication to vegetarianism, it all would have meant nothing. I would have eaten the meat to commune.

I guess I found my ulterior motives surrounding food. I cook for self expression, I eat with others to connect with them. I am not meant to be a vegetarian because I don't want to have limitations on the culinary dialects I can enjoy or experience. However, for 5 more days I will wallow in the language of vegetarianism.

Turning the Tables

I thought about Lucinda's experimentation with vegetarianism and veganism the other day and wondered how someone crossing over from the other side would manage, i.e. going from a vegetarian or vegan lifestyle to including meat-consumption.  By crossing-over, I must include that this person is coming from a vegetarian/vegan culture.  What would that be like?  How would their community react?

I imagine the main question for this person would be "Why did you decide to start eating meat?" or "Why do you eat meat?"

I asked myself this question over and over again a few weeks ago  observing when I did eat meat.  As much as I like to think my eating habits are intuitive, I found that my reasons for eating meat often aren't.  My current list on why I eat meat.

From Naturally Local: Life of a Foodie, Farmer, Free-Spirit and Activist

Typical reasons:

1. I enjoy its taste

More subtle reasons in my subconscious based on family, in-born expectations (not unlike nutritional superstition!).  These reasons are not what I believe in my heart, but they do exist in my reactions because of how I was raised, what I'm exposed to societally, etc:

1. It is more nutrient dense (not true, but my mom was a dietitian; growing up, we all believed this)
2. I grew up eating meat
3. I need it to be healthy
4. It is easier to prepare
5. I  have money, now, so I deserve it (entitlement)
6. It is just easier to make meals with meat since most of the family desires meat in their food

My typical reason is, to me, a perfectly acceptable reason for eating meat.  It is an honest reason in terms of intention.  The other reasons are ones I don't like to admit to--they are reasons that haunt me when I'm in a jam, need a quick food fix and throw a steak on the grill, or when I'm tired of eating seasonal produce during a limited season (hello, anyone else, turnip overload in winter?), or when I have family over and don't want to offend them by not including meat on the menu (immigrant family who looks at meat as valuable and a sign of respect to serve, even after living in the U.S. for over 3 decades).

Of course, I know how to fix all these issues.  Cook meals ahead of time.  Suck it up and eat leftovers and the rest of my turnips.  Explain to family that the 4.00/pint berries are honoring them more than just as much as fresh side (I concede, I too am addicted to pork belly).  Blah blah blah blah blah.  Basically, when I don't eat meat to savor its flavor and experience, I'm being a wee bit lazy.

I can't change how I was raised, what I was exposed to socially growing up, or even what peer pressure can sometimes generate during a madhouse of family holidays (the fanfare, the heightened emotions!).  But it is by forcing myself to face The Silly that keeps me honest about my intentions and helps me make changes to my life that require a huge paradigm-shift.  For example, when I found out back in 2006 that beef-consumption contributes more CO2 emissions than domestic car use alone (newest numbers, 78%), it was a shock to our pride-party that our car only uses 35 mpg.  It was a shock that a big action--like buying a fuel-efficient car--had less of an effect on the environment than taking in smaller amounts of meat everyday while making sure the meat we DID take in was dimensionally the highest quality possible.

I guess I'm throwing all this personal exploration out there to see if anyone else has struggled with these sorts of issues.  Why do YOU eat meat?  Why don't you?  What was your journey to changing behaviors, and when was it difficult for you?

Comic Avoidance

At one point in my life I used the word “honestly” often in conversation. I never noticed the amount of times I used it until someone pointed it out. I then became hyper sensitive to my usage of the word, and began analyzing why and how it had infiltrated my vocabulary. Breaking the habit of over using the word “honestly” was rather difficult at first. I would find myself stumbling for words, and going into long tirades for the sake of avoiding the word. I feel for the those who were on the receiving end of my comical dance around honestly. Many months later, my communication has return to a natural flow, and if I use honestly it is effective and to the point, and not over saturated at the cost of losing its meaning.

I am 8 days into my vegetarian lifestyle, and meat is to my diet as honestly was to my speech - always there, hardly noticed, and not made a “thing” until I took a deeper look at it. In fact, I started this month with an air of cockiness. For me, I didn’t think giving up meat would be a problem because it is not an obsessive part of my life. Instead, I thought this month would be a walk in the part and a bit of a check mark before the full force dedication of veganism next month. My cockiness was so inflated that I attached additional rules to my vegetarian diet. I felt like I needed to make it a real challenge. I made the decision that I would have to get my groceries from the actual grocery store. Thus, nobody would ever be able to say.. “I can’t be a vegetarian because I don’t have the same access to good food as you do.” Instead, I am putting myself in the shoes of the average American shopping at a conventional grocery store. I believe I deserve a face palm over this decision, because it has yielded my desired result – a challenge!

The first few days of the month, I didn’t have time to venture to the grocery store (keep in mind that I am 45 minutes away from one), so I ate out for every meal. In my attempt to avoid meat, I ate more funk food than I have in a year’s time prior. I had French fries, vegetarian pizza, onion rings, and all sorts of fried deliciousness. I had to avoid the salad because I am in the Midwest where a salad is not a salad unless it has a lb of meat on it! After 3 days of this assault, my body was starting to scream for something a bit more beneficial, and I had to make the time for grocery shopping.

I have chosen Hy-Vee as my grocery store of choice during this adventure because a. they have an organic health market section b. they are employee owned c. they are fairly accessible in the Midwest. So what happened when I got to the store? I succumbed to impulse buys and the lure of “value added” products. I spent $85 and got home with hardly anything to make a meal from and lots of snack items. I did buy a lb of baby romaine, and this was my only saving grace to get me through a few days without having to go back. Fiona and I ate lots of peanut butter on toast, yogurt, and salads over those few days. (Disclaimer: Fiona is not following a complete vegetarian diet at this time.. her father is an unwavering carnivore so when she is at his house she gets plenty of meat). As the norm, I am not one to keep value added products in my house. Traditionally, I have lots of produce, a freezer full of meat, and all the required items if I want to make something. I make my own bread, pizza, juices, pastries, and so on and so forth. However, something about now being a vegetarian and shopping at the store has played with my head a bit. I am putting so much time into “avoiding” meat and shopping for food that doesn’t have it in it, that my natural flow of preparing/ cooking/ eating has been thrown for a loop. My second trip to the grocery store yielded more of the same. I spent $56.00 and got mostly processed foods (see the above picture). I have now realized that if I don’t make a conscience effort to retain my core food values that I will become a vegetarian at the cost I am not willing to pay- my love of food. Also, it seems to be financially pricey and much less fulfilling to remove the creativeness from my dinner table.

Now that I have regrouped, we shall see what next week brings. Hopefully, I will be able to resort back to my before vegetarian core values of food without frills in which the star of the show is the texture, flavor, and spice, and not the speed at which it is ready to consume! Food prepared Honestly! ;-)

Cheers and Happy Eats!

Lucinda