Over five years ago, when I moved back to Missouri from DC, Sidney, my mother's best friend of 45 years, asked me the very reasonable question of why...
As I was trying to come up with the words to explain that I wasn't insane to walk away from a burgeoning career with a six figure salary and an office building on Pennsylvania avenue, an active social calender that had me rubbing elbows with all the right power players in Washington, a posh apartment with a doorman, and an assistant that took care of everything from my clothes shopping to dinner reservations she looked at me with a knowing expression and said "Old roots are hard to pull, aren't they?"
Yes, yes they are.
I didn't have a plan then, nor did I know what my future would hold. All I knew was that deep down I was meant to do something more meaningful. The games, the power, the pace, and the excitement of DC had its benefits but they came with a price. The mentality in DC was "What have you done for me today? and when you do something for someone else, make sure there is someone there to document it." Sex, knowledge, and power was the name of the game in DC, and for a time I played it and played it well.
However, after a while it became silly and exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I met a few wonderful people in DC, who chose to be true to themselves, and we are still friends to this day. However, I found myself yearning for more authenticity, a place where real people are the norm and not the exception, a place where you get an honest pay for an honest day's work, a place where conversation holds meaning without 45 cent words, a place like home - Missouri.
Scotty, my husband who had never been further west than West Virginia, and I loaded the car and headed west. My sister lived outside Kansas City so we decided to set up house near her. Scott got a job straight away, but I decided to take some time off from corporate world. In 2006 I got pregnant, and my pregnancy was a joyous time. Due to the tragic events of my childhood, an early graduation from highschool, and an immediate thrust into the harsh realities of being on your own in the big city before I even had a driver's license, it had been a long time since I hadn't been in "survival" mode. Therefore, I spent those 10 months (yes it really is 10 months of pregnancy... not sure where all this 9 months bs comes from) reading for pleasure, lounging at the pool, and enjoying silence after I intentionally chucked my cell phone.
It didn't take me long in Missouri to realize that there was water water everywhere and nothing to drink. Meaning, that I was surrounded by corn fields, and open pasture but to get real food, grown by real people I had to hunt. Sure, I could make the 45 minute trek to Whole Foods, but my mother raised hogs that ended up being brokered to Whole Foods and I was disgusted with the discrepancy between what she was paid as a farmer and what I was to be charged as a consumer. Thus, I started buying from the farmer's market. Eventually, I started picking things up for my neighbors, and before you knew it I had a storefront. Due to the fact that there weren't middle men or freight costs, I was able to give the farmers more for their goods, and charge the consumer less than grocery store prices. Everybody wins and I had found my calling! When I was looking for a new building as the lease had ended, I told my customers I would deliver to them. Well, that worked out even better for everyone. I picked up the produce fresh from the farm and delivered it all in one day, so I was free the rest of the week to be a mother and wife, and the consumer got farm fresh deliciousness without ever leaving the house! Once again, a win win.
Then came 2009... the worst year of my life.
My business, that started as a way for me to have access to real food from real people, help out my neighbors and the farmers in my community, caught the attention of the local news. The next thing you know, I had Dion Lim riding with me in my little red car to deliver food and crunch the numbers on how good of a deal it was. Seems like a dream come true right? Um, no. First of all, my marriage was in ruins, and for the sake of the privacy of others I won't go into details, but let it suffice to say that my ego and self confidence was badly bruised. Furthermore, with the business I did everything myself, from answering emails to doing deliveries. I knew I couldn't handle an overwhelming influx of business sure to come from being featured on the 10:00 news (there is a link at the bottom of this post if you want to watch the special) of the most viewed news channel in Kansas City, especially when I was in the middle of becoming a single mother. Thus, I ended up merging with a larger company in the same business as me with the understanding, or at least I thought, that nothing would change except the name of the business and profit sharing. I didn't care about giving up 51% of the profits... if it meant more business for the farmers, an ability to serve more customers, when I would still be able to make a living.
Well, it didn't quite turn out like that. Within a few weeks, it was quite clear that I had got in bed with everything I was against. I was told that we were no longer going to be purchasing from small family farms unless they were certified organic, and agreed to the pricing that we set. I couldn't believe that I was being asked to go to all my farmers who had become my friends and tell them that, although they had walked with me since the beginning, rejoiced in my triumphs and already put plants in the ground in anticipation of my expansion... that I was going to leave them high and dry. Furthermore, now that my name and face had recognition I was expected to be the face of the company and do public appearances and be the front runner of the marketing campaign. My response was "Wait a minute, you want me to go against everything I believe in, and then promote it??" I was told I didn't have a choice, after all, I was only 49% owner.
I wept to the point of dry heaves.
It was a long and drawn out fight, and only after the help of a good lawyer, and conversations I tape recorded, unbeknown to him with the 51% owner did I eventually get pennies on the dollar for my 49% share. Of course I also got a non- compete, a gag order, and a non- solicit with my only allowed statement to be this. Of course, this meant that I got some hate mail from consumers thinking I had done the bait and switch on them by promising local and then giving them products from Mexico, but what could I do when I wasn't allowed to talk about it? Furthermore, I can assure you that if I don't delete this post, that I will be getting a call from my lawyer first thing on Monday and a cease and desist by Tuesday. I would give every penny I have not to have crossed paths with corporate evil in the first place. However, as my mother said, " You chose to be free by trying to do what is right, but he will have to wake up to himself everyday." Right you are mama, right you are.
I took the money and decided to "put my money where my mouth is" by purchasing a farm with my baby brother Cole, eventually separated from my husband, and bought a little house in the town of 600 where my family lives. However, I felt like I had lost my sense of self. I mean what happened to my business, husband, picket fence, and the 2.5 kids? It didn't stop there. My 2009 rounded out with heart break, my grandmother fighting a very rough fight with cancer, dealing with my own mortality, and brief stay in the hospital, and a slight loss of sanity.. ok huge loss of sanity.
However, behind every tragic tale there is a silver lining. Through owning the farm, I have learned more in the last year about the hardships and joys of farming than all my years of being a "farmer's daughter", or liaison to farmers has ever taught me. I have so much more respect. Furthermore, somewhere in the middle of crazy sadness and drama I was able to help my mother with the marketing of her pork directly to the consumer (my non- compete does not restrict me from family farm operations or wholesale, just retail). In fact, I ended up getting into the Organic/ Local wholesale business and helped establish Kansas City's first, and only organic wholesaler. Woot woot! In fact, those farmers that I had once left high and dry... well the same could not be said for them, for they stood with me again even if the platform had changed, and I was able to broker their goods to local retailers including my former company's main competition. In the end the consumer and farmer ended up back on the same road as before,it just meant I played behind the scenes, and I couldn't be happier.
Now I bring you to the next chapter of my life. My feet are back on solid ground, my personal life back on track, and a skip in my step. I have moved to Florida, one of the only states that I am not held to a non- compete, but a place of the unknown. I intend to "get back on the horse", as we would say in Missoura with my new company. However, I have already come to realize that is going to take a lot of hard work, blood, sweat, but hopefully only tears of joy. This is because Florida is mostly a commercial agriculture state. Meaning, it is a "Go Big, or Go Home" state. There are quite a few organic farmers, but sifting through the ones that meet my "real people" standards, and those that are corporate conglomerates won't be easy, but I'm getting my mojo back, and I am ready to start sifting, and searching for the lesser known family farms.
In closing, to my friends in Missouri (and Kansas), I want you to know that I wouldn't be where I am without you. You have stood by me when I made mistakes. You believed in me when I didn't. Furthermore, this year by buying locally you have helped save one family farm, that I know of, from financial ruin. You have sent one farmer's child to college. You have put more dollars back into your local economy, and you have stood for what is right. Without you, I would be one standing alone, but instead I am one among many, and for that you have my enduring gratitude. Keep up the good work!
For my friends to be in Florida, I invite you to come along on this new journey with me. Together we can lesson the gap between farm and fork. Together, we can eat well, be well, and do a lot of good in between.
Cheers and Happy Eats!
Lucinda
